I have this theory. You know how a lot of Kiwi groups leave New Zealand in order to find fame and fortune overseas, and for some strange reason end up in Australia looking for it. Well, I think that our music fraternity must banish some of these groups to Australia because they just do not have what it takes to make it at home. It is only really semi-talented artists who go to Oz, while our exceptionally talented artists get rides to England and America. This can not be just fate. There has to be more to it than that, and I think I know the answer. It has to do with the fact that, generally speaking, the only decent Australian bands all have Kiwis in them to give the group that little edge. Well, there are exceptions like INXS (who are going down hill, proving they need Kiwi input), and Midnight Oil (who now actually have a Kiwi bass player). But the question arises why do we send these people to Australia in the first place. Why not keep their talent and use them at home? This is easily answered. New Zealand radio does not give a monkeys about talent, especially good Kiwi talent. New Zealand is over-flowing with talent now, so we get rid of some of this talent to the Australians while keeping the best for ourselves. Makes sense does it not. But, you say, what about the groups who go to England and the States. Well they are another story. They are the really talented artists who a) have been commercially successful here, and think they have what it takes to make it there, or b) been critically successful (but not so commercially successful) here, and definitely have what it takes to conquer the world (if only those with the power had the brains to notice it). That is why such groups as The Chills, and The Verlaines, and The Bats, and The Clean, and The Exponents, and Straitjacket Fits have all gone on to bigger things overseas, predominantly in England. We can really scrub The Exponents from the above list because they had to wait to get back home before signing to a major international label, but England was good for their music and now they will conquer the world's airwaves. But, of course, we must keep some talent hidden from the rest of the world for fear of them being ostracised for their amazing talents and originality. I am of course talking about the likes of Chris Knox and his sometime duo Tall Dwarfs, and others like The Dribbling Darts Of Love, Let's Planet, and the Sombertones, and plenty more amazingly talented artists. It is a cunning plan if ever I saw one. Send some slight talent to Australia, just to make Australia look good. Send some proper talent to the Northern Hemisphere, to prove that New Zealand really is the be all and end all of musical talent (forget about Manchester or Seattle, the music/culture capital of the world id Wellington). And keep some talent at home just for our own enjoyment. Brilliant, if only I thought of it myself, we could have gotten rid of Dragon years ago.
